Dear American drivers,
My heart goes out to you. You have a huge country, millions miles of road, no public transportation system to speak of, you drive since the age of 16 and yet, nobody has ever bothered to teach you even the basics of driving. This is very unfair to you and it turns your otherwise mostly decent roads into a total nightmare. So let me help you out here with a few simple words of advice:
1) The left lane is not the “here I can text safely lane”. It is a *passing* lane. It is so called because it is designed to allow faster moving cars to pass slower traffic. And no, this is not the “I will enforce the speed limit by blocking faster drivers” lane either. Let the cops enforce speed limits. Your job is to pass, and then get back into the right lane. Also, if you pass a car excruciatingly slowly, ask yourself if that really is necessary. If yes, then, by all means, go ahead, but if you see a faster vehicle catching up, gently step on your brake and get back into the right lane, or accelerate. But please, don’t take 20min to pass a car going 0.00001 mph slower than you.
2) When you see a car signaling with its blinker that it intends to go into the right lane to pass, do not accelerate. Believe it or not, the point of the blinker is to ask you to slow down and let the other guy in. Yes, that can be irritating, but it is safer than slamming on the gas pedal and try to “just squeeze in first”. You know why? Because every driver behind you will do the same and, as a result, the signaling car will never be able to pass.
3) At a red light. No, it is not “cool” to leave 20-30 yards between you and the car in front of you because “you are in no hurry”. It is good that you are not in a hurry, but folks behind you also need to squeeze in. Believe it or not, you are not alone on the road.
4) At a stop sign. No, you do not need to wait for God knows how long until the other car stops. Get to the stop sign, make a full stop, and then immediately move forward and cross without waiting for the other guy, who is still far way, to stop. The stop sign is called “stop sign” because you stop. Not because you wait for the other guy to stop.
5) I know that your huge, overweight SUV and trucks are terrible to drive, I feel for you. But that is not a reason to begin brakeing 500 yards before taking a turn into a driveway. Let me give you a trick here: even with your immense machine it is fairly safe to brake while going straight. So decelerate without fearing to skid off the curve and then turn. When this technique is applied even your morbidly obese trucks will be able to safely turn into a driveway.
6) Speaking of turns. Your cars, SUV and truck are not semi-trailers. You do not need to go as far left as you can before turning right.
7) Entering a highway. If you think that by entering the highway slow, reaaaaalllly slow, you are making it safer – you are mistaken. The bigger the speed difference between you and the cars on the highway, the more dangerous your situation becomes. Try entering the highway at about the speed limit.
8) At a red light. The road is not a mini-NASCAR race. If there is a car already standing in the right lane you do not have to go into the left lane to be in the “pole position”, especially not if you intend to then start texting or engage in a deep cleaning of your nose. If you really have to be in the left lane, at least have the courtesy to accelerate when the light turns green and move into the right lane as soon as possible.
9) Driving your Harley. Setting aside that driving this heap of metal makes you look infantile, insecure and plain dumb, what makes it all worse is when you feel like you have to drive below the speed limit “kuz you are cool”. The best thing to do is sell the bike ASAP (along with a ton or so of the obligatory Harley merchandise) and get yourself a real bike (say, a BMW) or, better, a car. But if you have to drive your Harley, then at least try not to be acting like you are looking for negative attention. Just display a huge over-sized US flag and one for the POW and you will have done enough for everybody to “get it”, trust me. You patriotism will never be questioned.
10) Life in the USA can be tough, I know that myself, and Americans are often exhausted. So I cannot blame you for sleeping at the red light. However, when somebody tries to wake you up, and thereby get you closer to your dinner and a comfy bed, please consider other replies than a thunderous “f*ck you!!” followed by a display of your middle finger.
That’s it dear American driver. I know that this is a lot to process, but it is well worth it for as long as you will keep driving the way you do, you will continue to turn your roads into a dangerous and frustrating version of hell on earth. So please, just try to learn how to drive.
Thanks for your time and good luck on the road!
The Saker
Well said. I received my learner’s permit in 1962. Los Angeles commuting has deteriorated since then accelerating its spiral downward since 1979. I am thoroughly disgusted and sickened. What a horror! I have little hope for the future of my fellow citizens based on past behavior. Thanks to your brilliant writing I am learning all the time and the only hope I see for the world is if the two great “Eagle” brothers of the North (US and Russia) can be honest with other and cooperate in bringing peace and prosperity to our planet. Thanks Saker
Im in Au, we have the American disease. Youth are now including a significant, ‘Ive given up group’. They know they will always rent. They cant save. Dead end jobs. So they just dont care much. Its social failure.
Hah! If only the people who need to read it would do so, and act on it. but that’s radically wishful thinking. I would add, if you’re driving a tractor/trailer, and you know it’s going to take you 2 miles to pass that truck going .0001 mph slower than you, think about whether the 2 minutes you will save on your 1000 mile journey is worth causing a two mile backup behind you.
Absolutely loved the Harley comment. Harley’s are a fatuously bloated vehicle carrying similarly endowed riders. If I might be permitted a minor joke – a previous governor of the state of Wisconsin said ‘Wisconsin, where eagles soar and Harley’s roar’, which I changed to “Wisconsin, where people have heart and Harley’s fart.’
And so it goes…Introducing a new feature: Turn Signals! Imagine that!
https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/turn-signals?utm_term=.eprepqOe8#.xgg1nVP1z
Saker, US drivers are brilliant compared to New Zealand. seriously. I have driven in Europe, Asia, South America, various islands – Kiwi drivers are the WORST in the world, no contest!
The roads are crap. Everyone tailgates, slow heavy vehicles never yield and always step on the gas in the passing zone. The very numerous corrupt police lurk everywhere, obsessed with raising revenue by ticketing working people driving 5 kph over the limit. Distracted millennial drivers text on the freeway and slam into traffic queues at 90 kph, I know an 18 year old who did just that last week, destroyed 3 cars including her own, not even ticketed.
The really dangerous drunk meth head gansters driving stolen cars with suspended licenses are let off with a slap on the wrist due to their Maori ethnic privilege. The clusterf@ck has to be seen to be believed. Thank your lucky stars you live in Florida, where the roads and drivers are several ranks above here.
The slow descent of western driving is a mirror of their mindless news and entertainme t industry , where they don’t need really think anymore , their egoistic natures are increased .the same experience can be had on new Zealand roads where lowering the amount of attention one gives to the road while driving has become part of our culture . I fear it will only become worse as dumbing down continues.
Totally agree with the NZ versus American drivers. Unless of course you drive in Wellington. They are very considerate – provided you let them know what you are doing.
Don’t agree with the ethince privilege crap though. I think you will find Maori are incarcerated at 700: 100,000 compared to European 100:100,000. AND It’s not just because Maori commit more crime. So come on ‘Joy’ be careful what you say because you never know a Maori could read this blog.
I too have driven all over the world, though not in NZ. Does AU count?
You’ve probably not driven in China, where line markings are treated as decorations and roads, intersections and signage are apparently designed by mischievous pranksters. Add 500M new, poorly trained drivers, many of whom purchased their license under the table, and chaos ensues.
The results are often quite hilarious. Just as often, tragic.
In some 150k km of driving here, I’ve avoided disaster by treating driving as a video game, in which the objective is to get from A to B in the shortest time while avoiding random and malicious attempts to end the game.
But Russia for years know how to drive like a boss, like this classic I just assumed was from stateside the few second clips I came across a few times.
Not so!
The states clearly has some catching up to do.
Play Drums On Highway Like A Boss (says 2012)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7ygxSlg32g
Funny as my experience in riding a motorcycle in Western Russia was very positive. Be on the highways or in the cities and St Petersburg was great to ride around with minimal traffic issues unlike most Western Cities I have driven.
Even Germany on the Autobahns one can have issues as you, a fast mover in the Left Lane can approach slow movers in the RHL and have some idiot not check their rear before deciding to pull out in front of you at greatly different speed. Consider when a car doing 200km/h has someone doing 100km/h jump in front of it. Then of course in peak hour, like most Western Cities, the traffic can end up crawling and is not helped because idiots refuse to get to speed when entering a freeway.
In Melbourne they police speed so much (2kp/h tolerance) most drivers have their faces stuck on their speedos and the police don’t seem to prosecute driving behavior unless it is blatant and involving speeding. Goto rake in the cash for the Government and speed is the easiest means to rape the civilians. Also speed limits are constantly going down there.
Finland, when the Gov brought in mandatory 10kp/h tolerance for speeding, again driving behavior deteriorated. The Finns also admit their speed cameras are responsible for more accidents on roads than before. They are just more honest about the reasons they use them. Granted, most of the cameras have been set up on intersection approaches for single carriage way roads which I think is reasonable. Only on a few multi carriage ring roads have they set up cameras for policing speed and that is where most increase in accidents occur.
In NT, Australia they imposed a 130kp/h speed limit on roads that were once unlimited and ended up with double the road fatalities. Subsequent governments have since returned those roads to unlimited speed but the police observe driving behavior and relative safety which I believe is more important.
Funny rant BTW Saker ))
Testify, Saker! I am inspired to add:
converse to the 20-30 yards, and more prevalent, is the 14 inches away from my bumper. They are the same ones who also keep creeping up just a little more, as if that will achieve their goal. Ask anyone who drives a stick, or MC; the light is holding you on uphill; you have to really work to not roll back into the halfwit. They are also the same ones who don’t know what turn signals are, and go into their right turn like a floating dandelion seed. Also might as well take the mirrors off the ugly heap of plastic. But hey, they’re ‘mercans, entitled ya know. To me all that is a barometer of civility, plunging fast.
Who drives a manny tranny anymore???
Well, I do. But I am a dinosaur.
I think automatic transmissions have contributed to a general decline in driving skills.
Add to the automatic the overblown SUVs with poor sight lines to the sides and back, darkened windows, and cell phones for a recipe for obtuse driving.
Drive defensively.
Katherine
1) and 2) – cruise control.
Most moronic invention ever, especially in the hands of morons.
@DomesticExtremist, so true.
Cruise control=Snooze Control, is what I say.
That modern automobiles have become climate controlled entertainment centers is of no help. The isolation therein is a little like separatism. Well except for the Harley’s. No separatism there. It’s more a “get in your face-ism” with those guys.
Cruise control is a good invention for long trips. BluRay and other in-car entertainment is moronic as is touch screen systems instead of tactile controls. Most people don’t know how to use cruise control properly, they don’t realise you can accelerate on cruise control for over taking and then take you foot off the gas and the car returns to set speed.
Instead they just over take with the set speed because they are unaware and lazy.
Those problems you are complaining about drivers are common to everywhere in the world. I assure you I suffer of the same here in Western Europe.
I would add that woman driving the huge car of her husband by pure casuality who should carry an advice in the rear windshield saying “Please help me to drive this car”, those occupying the electronic line toll when they know they have not an electronic device, or those elders who I do not know where the hell they go at 7:30 am at 30kmh, or those who go to work very early and instead of having a cup of coffee or whatever in front of their office taking a bit of fresh air they decide to pass the time on the road at 30km/h giving them a damn that others are in a hurry.
While I recognize myself complaining about the same “guys” ( except perhaps the individuals on Harleys, not so common here) when I go to work every morning, I guess we all also incur in errors and make things wrong on the road which could be annoying to others, only perhaps we are not aware.
Sometimes I found some people driving a Harley over there, all over the world, really admirable in its simplicity and enviable in their enjoyment of freedom.
These outsiders have always seemed to me especially nice, if they are peaceful people and not interfere with anyone,
Obviously, not everyone can enjoy a higher education that allows it to be among the “winners” perfectly integrated into US/Western society rubbing elbows with nobility and royalty ….
I was driving down an urban freeway, with inexplicably erratic speeds and lane change patterns. As I progressed, the culprit became evident, displaying several of the annoying driving characteristics enumerated above. As I was finally able to pass, I caught a glimpse of the bumper sticker on the vehicle.
“GOD IS IN CONTROL” it said.
It could be true, I suppose. But on that road, on that day, and at that time and location, God displayed an unsettling lack of competence in piloting an automobile. I’m not one to question anybody’s faith, but in this limited instance I found the driver’s faith a bit misplaced.
P. S., My heart goes out to the moderator on duty for the hate mail that The Saker’s priceless comments regarding Harley Davidson people is bound to generate. One could advocate a genocide in a distant country and get less flak, I’m sure.
And a good point on the BMW. I don’t ride, but I imagine that’s what an INFP anarcho-syndicalist might ride. :-)
If there is an accident on the other side of a divided highway, always slow way down because the guy in front is just about to hammer the brakes.
I try to expect the most obscure possibility and then am quite often pleasantly surprised.
Fun rant to read and I can identify with it almost 100%, but there was one or two things that I may get back to in a later post when I have more time.
To be fair to American all of these behavior are very common here in Europe too.
Not speaking about Australia and GB where most of the slow driver are always monopolizing the left lane instead of going on the right one:-)
Agree with point 7. The rest of it just comes down to “Get out of my way. I’m in a hurry. What speed limit?”
The best solution is to listen to country music so you can get into the correct mindset. In no time you will find you are the slowest car on the road.
For the ‘God is in control’ bumper stickers, the Arabs have a great proverb: Trust in God but tie up your camel.
Here is my all-time favourite road movie, 8 minutes of perfection. :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC0yzIYVnZ0
Great song, great video. I actually feel refreshed!
LMFAO!
Although, you may have forgotten that swerving madly around me, approaching the red light at ramming speed only to slam the brakes furiously and then wait pensively for the light to turn green as I gently approach at the posted speed limit, saving fuel and wear and tear on my brakes does not make you more MACHO. It merely marks you ab a-hole, one of many in this country, who must accelerate from a dead stop as I glide by you, never using my brakes at all, until you furiously repeat this procedure in a mad frenzy to gain the ultimate prize of “one car length” in your insane journey to the car wreck you are about to cause.
gratuitous obscenity removed mod-hs
Has it ever occurred to you that if someone is in a rush, that them being in rush does not concern you?
When you are walking (as a pedestrian), do you concern yourself and or try to block somebody who is walking faster, jogging or running because they maybe in a rush?
I’m visiting in Wisconsin; away from my home in California. Loved the rant and the comment about Wisconsin, where I was born and raised.
What’s going on? Seems the war news room has switched places with the cafe.
Just wanted to let you know the Love Army operates in both places.
I was wondering if Saker finished his thesis, and which of the Fathers he most resonates with. I like Denys because his name is a variation on Dennis and Dionysus. He is known for his focus on the names of God.
I think the highest name of God is Love, according to Saint John’s statement: “God is Love.” This correlates nicely with the Love Army. It’s taken us 2000 years to get the message. When we start to implement that central dogma, we’ll have another 2000 years to save our assets on planet earth.
Then we’ll go from “road kill” to the “road of love.”
Many thanks to all for taking this road less traveled.
I feel for you, Saker, because you think your message might make a difference. I don’t think it will. Americans in general are fairly ignorant, feel entitled to do whatever they want, without regard for others, and they lack empathy. It’s what makes them American. But ranting does make one feel better.
I’ll just say that where I live there is nowhere near the population density as in Florida. Still, it is common for the object of desire– getting from A to B in a timely fashion– gets displaced by the perceived obstacle– the driver ahead. Chalk it up to the human condition. That and slow drivers hanging in passing lanes holding up faster drivers.
Colorado Interstate- 25 drivers many routinely cruise 80-95mph bunching up close in multi-car caravans. Also many big PU trucks now pull huge trailers having tread-width of semis they fill complete lane and swerve.
I was taught ” leave one car length per 10 MPH” ie 140 ft at 80 mph!! I try to do this but some jerk usually squeezes into space ahead at high speed.
Indeed cruise controls are part of problem in crowded Interstate travel (altho fine for remote clear traffic conditions).
Dear The Saker,
Something to make you smile:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijtIss_EXMo
Dear Saker,
Your traffic rant is something I live with, for over 20 years on four continents. I have come to the conclusion: It’s not about traffic (traffic jam is planned tool of governance for many years now), it’s about the brain. We have to undertake massive task of convincing those behind the wheel, that thinking does not cause brain dislocation and road does not come as the bonus on top of the car price.
And please, use the turn signals your car manufacturer gave you to indicate any and every lane change or turn.
Also, when entering or exiting a stream of traffic.
Katherine
This is spot on! I thought these problems were predominately in the West Coast only.
I was always under the impression that the East Coast is different?
I personally experienced that they drive relatively aggressively in NY State, and crazy when nearing NY City.
There’s an old formula that guarantees lane discipline.
1. Everyone that drives faster than you is crazy.
2. Everyone that drives slower than you is an idiot.
3. Keep the idiots to your right, and the crazies to your left, and all will be well.
Dear Saker,
I agree with you 100%. I first learned to drive in 1966 trained in High School by a former Marine. He showed me then how ignorant I was as to the workings of cars. I passed my test first time as I listened to him. I subsequently passed driving tests in the UK and then again on my return to the USA (which I had left for a time).
The standard of driving in the US is absolutely appalling. (Boston and Chicago come to mind) there’s no need to embellish your observations but in a typical day of driving to and from work for a combined 45 minutes, in a rural eastern State, we will regularly see cars not stopping at stop signs, mainly women on cell phones trying to drive and turn corners at the same time, cars coming towards us on the road (on OUR SIDE!), cars turning left from the right hand lane and turning right from the left hand lane.
I return to the UK and drive on the M25 and believe me it is like going to another planet, the British must be the best drivers world wide. (Ok so there are bad British drivers but you catch my drift).
As a manufacturer’s representative I have driven over 1 million miles in the past 45 years and have driven in places such as Paris and London and not seen such appalling driving. I have BEEN driven in Egypt and Italy and India but wouldn’t venture to drive myself in these places.
For a western nation which once had almost impeccable road etiquette, Babylon really has fallen.
Of course living in a virtual world of i-device narcissism, perhaps many drivers don’t actually think they ARE on a real road with real people………………………